Tricks of the Trade
November 25th, 2008 | Andy BoultonIn my time as a copywriter, two courses I’ve been on have left a particular impression on me.
The first was when I was taught that if I hid walnuts beneath the keyboard it would make my typewriting monkey bash the keys even more vigorously and lead to greater output of quality headlines. (Now I think about it I’m not sure this course was recognised by the British Copywriting Society).
The second, however, taught me an invaluable secret technique that now, like a disgruntled magician, I’ve decided to share with you all.
One of the most important jobs any copywriter has to fulfil is saying things as concisely as possible. This means absolutely, unequivocally removing all extraneous and unnecessary words and phrases from your copy.
And a great way to practice this is the ‘3 x 3’ Movie Pitch.
The rules are simple. All you have to do is take a popular film and reduce its entire plot and purpose to three lines each made up of just three words.
For example:
Man wearing vest.
Blows up building.
Vesty man wins.
Midget flies well.
Goes to school.
Flies even better.
Attenborough plays God.
Dinosaurs go mental.
Cute children survive.
Crazy white cop.
Nervy black cop.
Comedy banter ensues.
Shark eats people.
Eats some more.
People explode shark.
Unless you’ve wrapped your television in tin foil to stop the government stealing your thoughts then you probably should have got those.
But as regular readers of this blog know, I often like to flex my alphabetical muscles in a display of wordy prowess. Partly because I’m a terrible show off and partly because my television is wrapped in foil so I now have a lot of spare time on my hands.
So, using the ‘comments’ thingy at the bottom of the blog please send me the films you’d like me to give the ‘3 x 3’ treatment to and I’ll attack them like an angry badger.
Or I might just chuck some nuts in the typewriter and let the monkey do it. Either way, watch this space for the results.
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November 25th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Man sees lights
Man builds mountain
Man leaves Earth
Boulder chases man
Man chases box
Box destorys men
November 25th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Stern armed man
Back through time
Will not stop
November 25th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Cook on boat
terrorists capture boat
cook kicks ass
Kids lose home
Kids find treasure
Sloth loves chunk!
chain-gang Luke
eats 50 eggs
“failure to communicate”
banker in prison
Gets a poster
crawls through poo
It’s a game
no it isn’t
yes it is!
watch a video
strange things happen
7 days up
Hutch goes home
meets James Mason
keep window closed!!!
jadded frisco cop
are you lucky?
no he isn’t
November 25th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
Three Russian-themed films.
Nerd breaks NORAD
Pig-eyed General
Worried about Russians
Defecting Russian Captain
Looks like Bond
Steals a submarine
Russians have it
Clint wants it
Invisible to radar
November 25th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
I challenge you and your monkey to do:
Back to the Future
Atonement
Watership Down
P.S - Have you seen the movies in 15 minutes book?
November 25th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Star Wars
ET
Godfather
There will be blood
November 25th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
more suggestions for you Boulty …
Muppet Christmas Carol
School of Rock
and a 3×3 of my own …
scantily clad spartans
fight with spears
squished by elephants
Jen
November 25th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Daniel Day Lewis
drills for oil
drinks YOUR MILKSHAKE!
November 25th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
yellow jumpsuited woman
squishes assassin’s eyeball
finds lost daughter
November 25th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
Small time fighter
Runs up steps
Becomes world champ
Boring, boring, boring
Boring, boring, boring
Boat finally sinks!
18 years waiting
Beginning bits good
Rest is crap
November 25th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
Raisin with legs
misses his lift
makes everyone cry
November 26th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Ruin peoples’ lives
become a writer
rewrite the outcome
Monkey finds artifact
Man finds artifact
moody computer dies
Tom and Nicole
really boring sex
time not renewed
Where is Johnny?
Louis knows something
I am Johnny?
Middle of nowhere
can’t write book
where’s my axe?
lost in woods
follow the river
FOLLOW THE RIVER
Detriot cop Foley
goes out west
gets the guy
No Opening Credits
Dysfunctional Family Melodrama
Reluctant Son Promoted
Bored of life
meets soap seller
vent’s male aggression
Kip and Tina
Pedro wins election
Go Crazy Dancer
May 21st, 2009 at 4:49 pm
natural monkey virus
infects many humans
cure is found
girl at camp
learns to dance
saves employees job
man wrongly jailed
escapes from jail
lives by sea
pet store puppy
finds loving family
saves the day